Things I've Made Lately (and Goodbye 2010)

Pilcrow tattoo!

a knit blanket for Theresa!

the Christmas anarchy cookie!

a shawl for Robyn!

fried plantains!

goodbye 2010!

no more pain, no more suffering, no more knitting scarves, no more motels


just Boots II in a court jester costume and galas and fake sausage casseroles


no more phone calls, no more articles to write, no more 2010


a metaphor in anticipation of 2011: trash dolphin

More Things I Wrote

"Chelsea Hotel No. 2" by Leonard Cohen

"Oh! Susquehanna" by Defiance, Ohio

"Bloomington, IN" by Ghost Mice

"Honest Sleep" by Touche Amore

"One Great City!" by The Weakerthans

"San Bernardino" by the Mountain Goats

Let me also say, I'm not entirely proud of all of the writing here. I'll be the first to say that some are excessively wordy. Don't think less of me.

WHOA

Does this make anyone else kind of excited and want to write science fiction?

I'm like that guy from Almost Famous

Interview!

Hyperlink is the barely legible words above.

My first interview for the music website I'm writing for with Chris Clavin of Ghost Mice, founder of Plan-It-X records, Walking Dead fan and Bloomington, IN resident!

There is a misplaced contraction in the above sentence, but I don't care. Interpret as you will. An exercise in grammar is the gift of learning I give to you this holiday season.

I didn't make up the generic tag, just so we're clear.

Cool as this guy. There.



Only in part because of this, the fruit of countless hours behind the desk of a motel. Just so you know, I am no. 1, in THE WORLD in Crack Attack. The score to beat is me, Maggie.

I had the most amazing night. I would go on, at length, about all the people I met and all the wonderful things I did. I could just simply say that I think I fell in love.

How did I manage to see Japanther twice in the past two months? How did I update this blog twice today without regular internet access?

It's Over, Samsung

I may never turn my phone on again. I realized that telephones are the harbingers of anxiety. Good news, bad news... I don't want to know.

In other news, I am on the GUEST LIST for an amazing show tonight and I cannot go because I will be at Motel 6. Even if I'm not there, my cool points are way up, although I'm not sure where to redeem them. I also made an amazing burrito. I cleaned my bedroom/closet. I'm dogsitting this weekend in a beautiful house near the national forest. Robyn's coming to town! I have big plans for Saturday night. I'm reading a good book, I have a phone interview for a job in Oklahoma City. I'm getting a coupon for free kombucha.

See? All I had to do was apply myself and life became wonderful.

I was going to put a picture of Slick Rick here and say something to the effect of "cool as this guy," but it is taking way too long and I gotta get ready for work.

On Personal Relationships

Someone I admired told me: I would say, get over it. It's a horrible way to spend your time, being brokenhearted. And if you do it too long, something even worse is bound to happen and then you'll feel like it's too much to handle. I guess just keep in mind that the world is an awesome and amazing place. If you don't like what's happening, change it. Go somewhere. I always feel better when I'm moving. I also always feel better when I go outside, get out in the nature of the world.

Seriously, I have the transcript.

Another wise man told me: Personal relationships in this world are purely instrumental in meeting the need of the moment. They are fleeting and kaleidoscopic, though correspondingly intense. After all, no obligations or pressures- financial, legal, social or ethical- keep people together. The only cement for personal relationships is the need and desire of the moment, and nothing is stronger but more fickle than need and desire unshackled by obligation.

And I told myself: Maggie, self-absorption is sooooo boring.

I just like boys. And dogs. But I get too attached to them. I'm very lucky that some people I hold in esteem will talk to me on the phone for hours.

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret

Seriously.
Why did you have to make that vomit splash in my face?
I'm done with cheap vodka.
Why did that man with the creepy hat hit on me at Goodwill? I seriously said, "dude, I was looking at your hat."
To quote a wise woman, "get your hands the fuck off my heart!"
They say for thinkers life is a comedy, for feelers life is a tragedy.
I have to say... this shit is downright funny.

I went to see this movie, mostly because I love Loretta Devine. Case in point.

Untitled?

I am reading In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust and The History of Sexuality by Michel Foucault at the same time!! I:

a). am extremely intellectual
b). am extremely pretentious
c). have no idea what's going on in either book

In an attempt to become more well rounded I have been reading the news every morning. Of seven news stories that I read today, two were about Harry Potter; one was titled "Beck Slammed for 'Horrific' Holocaust Remarks", I opened it because I thought it was singer-songwriter Beck, of course it was Glenn Beck; one was about an evangelical preacher and I didn't finish it; One was titled, "Why Are You Here?: A New Theory May Hold the Missing Piece," it did not tell me why I am here, as was hoped.

In other news, yesterday as I was updating my resume, I realized that I've been lying about my supposed proficiency in Excel for three or four years now. I've never even used it!

I would like to stop reading Foucault, so if anyone has some non-fiction they want to pass my way, it would be appreciated. Or, send me a piece of mail so I can get a library card.

Cryptic Notes I Left Myself on my Phone

1. The beauty of the retardation
2. 69 left on Center Ct. across from the theatre (where was I?)
3. On a road trip to adopt a dog found on the internet
4. Vanessa Davis (who is this?)
5. Finders keepers: a tale of archaeological plunder and obsession (I think this is a book)
6. Market and union st. One or two blocks from duke of gloucster st. Go left by the flags from duke of g st. back go opp direction (I clearly am very bad with both descriptions and directions)
7. tofu coffee creamer soy milk flax seeds tea
8. 578657
9. Bitches gotta eat

Did I Just Quote Paulo Coehlo?

I've been avoiding people that I have to explain the past five months of my life to. I just don't feel like telling the same story again.

I miss some people so badly I can hardly stand looking at pictures of them, for instance:



I've come to accept that if there is peanut butter near me, I will eat too much of it.



I asked someone for advice yesterday and he told me that when the same thing happened to him he laid on the floor for 24 hours straight.

when will I stop being such a creep?



I'm not very brave, despite what pictures might suggest

but I can't keep my hands off busts of Augustus! No matter what the signs say.

FESTIVE

"it was festive and delicious"

I meant to add to previous list:

6. Riding on THE BACK of a scooter



This sign is not posted on every street in Baltimore, it is just apparently necessary for my block. All my plans have gone out the window.



This is the romantic dinner I recently prepared all by myself, note the Texas Pete standing side by side with the bottle of wine



My friend and I were messing around, and this picture was taken as I was trying to grab my phone out of his hand. This is my combative face. Working on it is now on my 'to do' list. I was told it was "adorable and a tad slutty... so perfect!" -- direct quote from Shane Cinal



And this is Nino, who I am trying to replace Calvin with. We love each other, she's even started coming when I snap my fingers and clawing at my door when it is closed.

Funny How Things Are

There are plenty of things I've done in the past few days that I didn't think I'd ever do (or do again)...

1. Go to a renaissance festival
2. Sneak into a renaissance festival (to elaborate I followed a hippie into the woods, walked on logs across creeks, and laid on the forest floor in wait following army-like hand signals from him to 'get down' 'stay there' 'be quiet' or 'come on' all while dressed in odds and ends of clothes that I found in the backseat of my car)
3. Hang out with more wiggers (wiggas?) than I could possibly handle at one time
4. Drink super cheap red wine (I thought I finished with that shit in 2009)
5. Eat a whole container of hummus in one sitting... damn.

I found this posted on the side of the street over a pedestrian bridge:



Today I should have enjoyed my last day in Baltimore, but instead I packed.

Jilter and Jiltee

Sometimes I think everything would be better if I could just play guitar and write some songs.
The only person in the world who I want to sing sad songs about has also stolen all of my blank tapes.

I Miss

I should have never packed my bags or set that car on fire, what was I thinking? It might be nice to go to jail tonight.

No, Seriously

I'm embarrassed now.

Cult of Maggie

It occurred to me this morning that, despite my impression that I update this thing primarily to post funny pictures of myself and Calvin and engage in some mild narcissism and that no one but me actually reads it, maybe people do.

Calvin came to Baltimore with me on Monday to stay for the week. I had big plans for us- visiting Edgar Alan Poe's grave, touring various parks, dining together at sweet outdoor cafes. All my plans have been ruined because CALVIN HATES BALTIMORE. I took him downtown on Tuesday and it has put him off this city for life. Every time we get to the end of my street (in either direction) he lays down and gives me a pathetic look that says "please don't make me go." I was concerned that he was sick or depressed and missing his other special friend but last night I took him out to Owings Mills and we hiked a short trail with a friend in an area called Soldier's Delight and he was as rambunctious as ever. Calvin hates Baltimore and all the street grates and the random men that try to pet him and make the assessment that he looks like a coyote/hyena/deer. He is also dismayed that whenever someone is holding a door open that it is not for him to walk through.
I'm actually a bit alarmed by how much my life revolves around Calvin when he's around. And I'm not sure that this is interesting at all to anyone but me.
But life's been pretty boring this week because Calvin doesn't want to leave Oliver St., so I don't leave Oliver St.

Things I Did Because I Could

1. Wear humorous eye glasses

2. Take a picture of this innocent bystander

Home, Sweet, Dirty Home

Finally, a place to put my shit and someone to take care of.

B'More Better

I'm in Baltimore and let me be the first to say... I don't love it here.
People keep harassing me, trying to force kisses on me, and trying to charge me way too much to live in small shady apartments.
The good news is that I am (fingers crossed) going to move into the Annex Theatre for a little while and stop this transient nonsense.
The good news...
1. vegan food
2. big library
3. public transportation
4. good shows
5. dru hill is from here

That's all I can think of. I hope its not too shabby, I'm trying to cheer myself up.

NO GODS NO MASTERS

NO BOSSES NO BOYFRIENDS

Read from NOBOYFRIENDS.ORG and call me to discuss.

I'm still getting sand out of my eyebrows

Today I took Calvin to the beach. I wanted to see the Atlantic from the suburban wasteland one last time (actually, I will probably have many more opportunities, but Virginia Beach has its own unique flair).
We ran together into the tide like we were in a black and white romance film, and Calvin got so much foam on his paws that it looked like he was wearing slippers. We sat down to rest and Calvin proceeded to dig a giant hole under my legs until I fell in it, and then he sat beside me.
It is fine to break up and deal with losing the companionship of a person, but why must a lady fall in love with his dog too?
Calvin= #1 dude in the world

A Few of my Favorite Things

the whiskers on Calvin

casting my shadow into pictures that I take

and awkward camera angles

and special friends

The Frozen North

ATMs in Antarctica

There are two ATM machines in Antarctica. They are located at McMurdo Station and operated by Wells Fargo. Here's an interview with a Wells Fargo VP about the unique challenges of operating those machines.

You know, the other thing too that you may find interesting -- I don't know how much you know about folks that need to go down to Antarctica -- it's a huge process to do it. So when we're preparing for the vendor visit, it's like a ten-month process. The reason being is, they obviously go in the off-season when it's obviously warmer because no planes fly onto the ice in their winter months. And so anybody that goes to Antarctica has to be cleared with a physical, a dental, and a psychological evaluation, because if for some reason the plane can't get out, you're trapped down there until the next season.

From kottke.org

English Major Junk

http://www.themillions.com/2010/07/colonoscopy-it%E2%80%99s-time-to-check-your-colons.html

Extreme Sidewalk Sports

My car won't start, but the world still turns. So... upon investigating my usual route to work, I thought, "I can bike 13 miles to work... no problem."
My helpful boyfriend suggested I take a route that I don't usually follow, because "it has a bike path." Unknowingly, I biked 16 miles to work. At the 14 or so mile point, my cycling became a bit belabored. As I cruised the sidewalk on my Magna Fugitive down the main boulevard of the city, checking people out and showing off, I failed to notice the extreme drop on one side of the pavement. I off-roaded a bit and then crashed on the sidewalk.
I haven't had a scraped knee from a bike accident since I was 12. It's kind of a good feeling.

Room Mates

I live with some dogs
Calvin, Bob, Ophelia, Kaizer

I live with a dog named Ophelia

I live with a dog named Bob

I live with a dog named Calvin

My room mates are so cool.

Dumpster Treasure

Yesterday the fancy grocery store of southern Virginia yielded the most magnificent thing- an old school boom box tape player/radio/recorder.
I call that good karma.